I can’t believe my last two weeks in Manila went by so fast. I wish I could bend space and time like Hiro Nakamura. Still so much to do, so little time. It all comes to this.

Let’s do it!

See you on the other side of the world, people.

Last night I cried so hard it hurt. It’s slowly sinking in. Felix, Nate and I are leaving. We really are. The thought scared the shit out of me, so I cried like a fearful child.

Is this really what I want?

If you have been following my family’s visa journey, you would know how long I have waited for this moment. I can’t say this isn’t what I want. I have never wanted anything so bad my whole life. I am excited for a lot of reasons, I really am, but with that excitement comes this sadness I can’t ignore. It’s a painful kind of sad. I have never lived anywhere else my whole life, and the only home I know is this one I have right now.

I am leaving behind the only life I know.

I have imagined this moment from the time Felix and I started our visa journey, but in that pretend scene, I was happy. It felt good. Now, I am anxious and sad. It’s the opposite of that movie in my mind. I hate it. It’s not supposed to be this way.

This is my ever after. I know the best is yet to come… and the worst, too. It’s just that I’m not yet ready, in more ways than one. I have two weeks left to sort stuff, pack my entire life, finish last minute errands, and see whoever I can see. Felix and I made a list of things to accomplish before we leave. Still, I have a feeling that we will be forgetting something despite all of our effort to accomplish as much as we can with the little time left. I bet we will only come to realize what was forgotten once we are gone. Awesome.

I hope to make the most out of my last few days in Manila. All things considered.