Sun October 10, 2004
It's really nasty...
...I've almost forgotten how terrible hangovers can get. See hangovers are supposed to remind you of how much fun you had the night before. But right now, I am having a hard time remembering, because it sure feels like I'm suffering from a near death, catatonic state. And this pounding headache is killing me over and over again each time I make a sudden movement. Good times.
To give you an idea of how I went from normal to shit-faced, here's a pretty accurate recollection of last night's party and life thereafter:
11:00 pm - arrived at Sherwin's house, kissed everyone hello, then took five jello shots one after the other. Immediately after the last jello, I headed for the bar to grab my first mixed drink - Poison - something Sherwin concocted. Ahh, it was going to be a good night.
12:00 am - On my fourth glass and nth jello shots, I was already having feelings of profound love for mankind, with this huge grin plastered on my face. I was already insightful. Tipsy, yeah, that's what I was. But the night was still young. I couldn't stop myself from giggling at anything. Oh, did I mention I thought I was hot? I was. Literally. And the humongous zit on my chin almost didn't matter any longer.
1:00 am - Shucks, I've lost count of the drinks I've had. All I know is that I was already suffering from verbal diarrhea, and I haven't felt like I did for ages. More drinks, pleeesh.
2:00 am - Drunk. And still drinking.
4:00 am - Feeling very invincible, but unfortunately incapable. I had to stagger to get to the car - that's three flights of stairs and a long walk to the car. I already lost all senses and control of my bodily function. I felt the need to worship the porcelain god, but I didn't. Passed out before I could even kick my shoes off.
Now - Wasak. I need complete silence... and another drink.
Only the strong survive, indeed.
Thur October 7, 2004
Whoa, wait a sec...
...My son has been listening to Indigo Girls more than I have been! He even jotted the lyrics down, old school style - play and listen to lyrics, then pause and write lyrics down, then rewind and play to check if lyrics were correct. It's cute. Then again I'm not so sure if it's such a good idea having him listen to THE Indigo Girls. But it sure beats having him listen to some black music. Must educate him properly with music. Kids are never too young for anything nowadays, that's why prevention is the key! Remember, what he doesn't know won't hurt me.
I thought I'd be a nice mom and help him out. So I downloaded the lyrics for him, saved him the time and effort. Nate has been showing a lot of interest in music, more than I expected. He even made a guitar with a tissue box, rubber bands and cereal box. Looks more like a lapslide to me. The way I see it, he has it in him. He said he wants to learn how to play percussions, if possible. If I could have it my way, I'd rather he learns the guitar.
So like, which one is your favorite Indigo Girls song?
Watershed by Indigo Girls
Thought I knew my mind like the back of my hand.
The gold and the rainbow, but nothing panned out as I planned.
They say only milk and honey's gonna make your soul satisfied.
Well I better learn how to swim, cuz the crossing is chilly and wide.
Twisted guardrails on the highway, broken glass on the cement.
A ghost of someone's tragedy, how recklessly my time has been spent.
They say that it's never too late, but you don't, you don't get any younger.
Well I better learn how to starve the emptiness and feed the hunger.
Up on the watershed, standing at the fork in the road.
You can stand there and agonize, til your agony's your heaviest load.
You'll never fly as the crow flies, get used to a country mile.
When you're learning to face the path at your pace.
Every choice is worth your while.
And there's always retrospect (when you're looking back) to light a clearer path.
Every five years or so I look back on my life and I have a good laugh.
You start at the top, go full circle round,
catch a breeze, take a spill,
but ending up where I started again makes me wanna stand still.
Stepping on a crack, breaking up and looking back,
til every tree limb overhead just seems to sit and wait,
til every step you take becomes a twist of fate.
Wed October 6, 2004
No pain, no gain...
...Seriously. And to prove it, my fingers hurt from trying to learn this new song on the guitar. But it sounds hella good. Do you have any idea how it's like to be able to finally play a song you've been wanting to play all your guitar playing life (or any musical instrument, for that matter)? Ahh, bliss talaga.
Just for sakes, here are some of the songs that I love, love, love playing:
- Blackbird - Sarah McLachlan
- When I Fall - Barenaked Ladies
- Time Of Your Life - Greenday
- Ghost - Indigo Girls
- Romeo and Juliet - Indigo Girls
- Power of Two - Indigo Girls
- You Were Meant For Me - Jewel
- Stay - Lisa Loeb
- Luka - Suzanne Vega
- Selling The Drama - Live
- Interstate Love Song - STP
- Sway - Bic Runga
- Eternal Flame - The Bangles
- Here's Where The Story Ends - The Sundays
- Linger - The Cranberries
- The Freshmen - Verve Pipe
And then I also have a couple of my own, which I doubt I will ever get to share with anybody. For my personal consumption and satisfaction. Call me selfish. I call it fear. Maybe someday, when I'm feeling less insecure and more certain about the music I make. Then again, maybe we'll all just forget about this thing tomorrow.
Wed September 22, 2004
Dear Nina...
...Our ICBB convert! We have gone a long way with each other since the day you walked into the door straight from a job in that 'other school'. You won the loyalty award among our ICBB groupies.
We thank you for all the years you have put in with Beginners' Circle. With pride (like parents - since we are almost their age) we saw you grow and expand your wings as a teacher. We always knew you had 'it' but to harness and develop that 'it' was something we were privileged to be a part of. Now look at you - well on your way to finishing a masters program, and on SPED even! The day will come when we will be proud to say "WE are on her resume!"
To think we went through so many milestones of your life with you - the 'break up' for the better, Nathan's 'fine tuning', your mom's medical experiences - and not to forget yours (hopping on one foot with full poise was difficult and only you could pull!). Through it all you kept your head up high, above the water... you used the best medicine of all - humor - to keep it all in stride. Your strength is admirable. No matter what life brings you, you can take it and turn it around. Your silent strength has infiltrated the school and brought out the best in your partners as well. Thank you for sharing that gift of yours with us. We cannot thank you enough for sharing your talents and gift of friendship with us.
The daily grind was made fun by the witty repartee and banter we shared. More fun was had at our lunches, shopping trips and gatherings. Your drive and perseverance will get you through anything. Your humility and lightness will make it all bearable. You have the talent of making people feel good, not just children. We are lucky (kids and fellow teachers) to have been part of your life!
We look forward to seeing more of your talent grow - remember us when you're done with masters. Take care of Nathan and yourself. We will always be here for anything you need...
Exhumed straight from its grave. And it's making me feel melancholic. I like that word. It's sadder than sad. Sort of like painful sad, or sad with a bitter after taste in the mouth. It's the same feeling that washes over me each time I listen to The Sundays. And it can make me cry.
Mon September 20, 2004
The Downside of it...
...Too many friends means too many birthday parties to attend, which means I'll have to decide which ones to go to and which ones to diss. I hate to put it that way, though. Pedro is throwing a party this Saturday, so is Nylle. And then Pia invited me to go to Puerto Galera over the weekend. I wanna go to all three, but I can't be at three different places at the same time. This is a tough one, I admit. It's like being asked which one I like most - backrub, Twix, or cuddles. Choices, choices.
More random thoughts - I finally finished cleaning my entire room. It's oh-so-clean, inside out. But I'm giving it a week, until my ever reliable son messes the room up once again. Sometimes I wonder how it would be like to have a daughter instead. Perhaps someday I'll know.
Good news is, freewebs hasn't terminated my account YET. I'm glad everything's back to normal. I hope.
Besides Katz, I know somebody else is celebrating their birthday today, but I can't remember who. Or maybe it's tomorrow. Haha. If some people are incredibly senile, I have an exceptionally selective memory retention. And now I can't even remember what I was going to say. Fag.
Sun September 19, 2004
Too gay...
...I think freewebs decided to terminate my account for god knows what reason. One minute I was messing around with my directory, and the next I couldn't access it. As far as I'm concerned I know I haven't violated anything... or maybe I did. Perhaps I did one itty bitty thing, but hey, it's not like I posted porn. I'm sure there are other free sites that deserve to get terminated. I swear I've seen worse. I mean, I've seen some that are just, uhm, wrong. SO WHY MINE?! Maybe Freewebs is trying to tell me to focus on my comprehensive exam right now. OMG my compre!
For some reason, I have this huge fear of taking exams, in whatever form - entrance exams, licensure exams, name it. I know I am one of the sharpest crayons in the box. But hey, what if I was that one in a gazillion who didn't make the mark, huh? Just the thought of that makes me cringe. And then I start comparing myself to others and in my mind I'll be like, "Hey if she passed it, I will too, without a hitch!" Heh. Then again, who knows, it could be just like Russian Roulette, you know. Suh-weet.
There's this speck of dirt underneath the glass of my monitor that seems impossible to remove. How it got there, I have no idea. And it's annoying me. Don't you just hate that kind of thing?
Thur September 16, 2004
I have a feeling...
...I am going to get sick. Woke up with a stuffy nose. It started around 3 am, when I felt the earth move, literally. Earthquake rocks. I thought someone was shaking my bed, which meant somebody else was in the room, and that's not funny. I think I caught the virus from one of the kids in class. My poor immune system is being the best once again.
On a different note, my dad brought up the idea of me putting up my own school. Apparently he knows someone who can fund my non-existing plans of owning a school. And then as if my future flashed right in front of me, I started to think about the possibilities - me not being able to leave this god-awful place, me running my own school which means more pressure, in turn would give me more migraine, blah blah blah. All that, by the way, from a mere suggestion, and here I am sounding like a heart attack wanting to happen.
I have an itch that I can't reach, and then there's no one around to scratch it for me. So unfair.
Tue September 14, 2004
Because I hate his guts...
...And why shouldn't I? He hasn't really been doing his part in this parenthood thingy. It took two to tango, now it sure seems like I'm left alone to do all the not so fun stuff. Come on, sure it was a choice I made when I ended the relationship, but gee, never did I say I'm doing everything on my own. A compromise was made, that we were to share the responsibility as parents, separately. But that's not how things have been the past 8 years. I've already humbled myself down once too many times - all for my son. And I've tried to make my point across already, yet, nothing. And it really pisses me off. See, it's no longer about him and me or our past. He could grow another ball, for all I care. The fact remains he has no balls. Point is, this is about him and my son and their relationship as father and son. I have no right to take that away from him or from my son. How I would love to just bring up my son without any memory of his father, but that's just not right. That's just too easy. That's not for me to decide. My son will continue to think the world of his dad, and if that should change, it's going to be somebody else's doing, not mine. I can only do so much biting of my tongue every time my son says his dad this and his dad that. And boy, is my tongue sore already.
This is all in preparation for my son's 9th birthday tomorrow. Yay.
Thur September 9, 2004
Definitely...
...I dunno why, but I was jealous for sure. There's no other way to explain what I felt when I found out that he likes somebody else. And I hate this feeling. First, there's nothing I can do. Being a thousand miles away really won't let me do much but sit here and rant about this sucky feeling. Second, there's nothing really that transpired between us for me to have the right to feel this way. And so I don't understand why I am feeling jealous. I mean, yeah, I liked him, as much as it was possible to, and he did say he liked me too. @#$%! I seriously hate it that I know I am capable of doing so much more but I can't with the circumstances that I have to work around with. Third, he's not mine - hello, he was never mine. And even if he was, I can't stop him from liking somebody else, right? He's free to like whoever he chooses. And for all I know, I am just probably some girl to pass time with. Not like he ever cared about me. Buwisit.
It's just unfair, really. And being single sucks. Right now it sure does. And I keep thinking about how much I want a man who is consumed by the need to be with me for the rest of his life.
Sun September 5, 2004
They're Cute When They're Tiny...
...And I remember when mine was only 5.8 lbs and he could snuggle on my chest, and how adorable he was when he'd yawn or stretch or smirk. And mine is now almost 9 years old. And he already smells like dirt. And he has cooties. And he just talks too much. And whines too much. He stopped being cute. Waaah.
Karen's not so little Bengio had his baptism earlier. I had that urge to bite him on his arm, I ended up grinding my teeth. I've always had this thing with babies. Not sure what to call it, fetish? Too kinky. I want another one every time I get close to one. Babies are too adorable. And I looove the way their sweaty hands smell when they open their fists. And their breath too.
I dunno what I'm gonna do the next three months. I'm supposed to be reviewing for my compre, but dude, we all know I'm the master crammer/procrastinator, and for sure I will only start reviewing days before my exams. And that's like ten weeks from now. In the mean time, I have no idea. Any suggestions on how to make the next few weeks productive? I was thinking of continuing my visits in Maryridge, but it's getting old real quick. Really, working 40 hours a week with no pay isn't my idea of a career. I'll probably start on another scrapbook album. I dunno, shucks. I'd love to go on a vacation, but really, that's too luxurious, and I can't afford that at this point. Too many ideas, too little options.
First things first, though. Must go on a diet. Will start tomorrow. Or maybe the day after.
