Mon April 2, 2007
Falling Into Despair...
...It has been very difficult, there's no denying. The world has moved on. I'm still where I was the night he left. There's just not enough distraction in my world to keep my mind off the pain. I yearn so much it aches.
Wouldn't it be cool if I could bend space and time? I bet.
April showers bring May flowers...
What can I compare you to, a window the sun shines through?
Maybe the silver moon, a smile rising
The magic of the fading day, satellites on parade
A toast to the plans we've made to live like kings
Take It From Me
[The Weepies]
Wed February 28, 2007
His Kisses I Will Miss...
...I'm taking my husband to the airport in two hours. I am a wreck. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. Why does it have to be this damn difficult? I look at the now empty space in the closet that was once filled with my husband's junk, and I sit in bed as I watch him move everything that was us into his suitcase, and it hurts. The loneliness hurts like hell.
I know I should rejoice and be glad, for this is a wonderful beginning of something greater and bigger - something that Felix and I have dreamt and wanted for our family. And yes, I shouldn't even doubt about the plans made for me. Especially for me. But tomorrow I will come home from tutoring without my husband sitting on the computer, waiting for me. Tomorrow night I will sleep in our bed, alone. And I will be doing the same thing night after night. And every morning, for the next six months or so, I will wake up without him by my side. No hugs, no cuddles, no kisses, no Felix, nothing. I can't emphasize enough how fucking difficult this is for me.
So tell me, how do I do this?
Fri February 23, 2007
For Now...
...This update is long overdue, my bad.
Last February 10, my son had his field demonstration under the scorching sun. Being the supportive and dutiful parents that we are, Felix and I watched him dance with his class. Here are some of the images taken that day...
My son is really the awesome. I promise.
Oh, oh, we have just upgraded to IE 7.0, and if you are using it too, you should be able to see my favicon - it's the dragonfly found on the upper right side of my webpage. Cute, huh?
In other news, I have been tutoring a third grader for four weeks now. It has been providing me extra cash, however insignificant it is. Also, the school I applied for scheduled a follow-up interview next Friday. They want to discuss the offer to me. I was informed that they are worried about my asking price. Funny, no one has ever asked me about my price. This is a first for me. I am hopeful. If anything, it's something while Felix is gone.
Speaking of which, four days to date, and a new journey begins. I don't know what to say.
Tue February 13, 2007
Forms, Forms And More Forms...
...The past two weeks have been really crazy - the room's a mess, my routine's effed up, and I still don't have a job. Stress is my name and Excedrin is my game. But! Good news, I have a job interview and a teaching demo tomorrow. Hooray. Bad news, I got into a car accident earlier this morning. Good news, I didn't have to pay for any of the damages done to my car and the other car. Hooray. Bad news, I think it really was my fault. El-oh-el.
Yeah, Felix finally bought his plane ticket and he's leaving on the 28th of this month. On top of everything, we have been working on our papers for the visa petition. Man, that shit's crazy, I swear. Those forms are not for the impatient, or something. So is the whole long distance relationship.
Speaking of which, yesterday, Felix and I were watching The Holiday, and *spoiler* towards the end, that part where Cameron Diaz had to go back home to the States and she was saying goodbye to Jude Law, a sudden wave of loneliness washed over me, even though Felix was sitting right next to me all cuddled up. There was just no stopping the tears. I don't think I have ever seen such a sad movie as The Holiday in all my life. And it wasn't even a sad movie...
By the way, I have images from the accident this morning. I took time to document it, amidst a yelling driver and my shaking hands. Good times.
Ooh, tomorrow's Valentine's Day, I wonder if Felix got me anything. Woot.
You like?
Tue February 6, 2007
Save Tonight...
...I like cupping my husband's balls. For some reason, it's like playing with silly putty. Just kidding. You didn't think I was that serious, did you?
Anyway, seems like Felix will be leaving next week already. We had just checked the fares, and everything will go up to three hundred frickin' dollars more by the 15th of February. Sucks. I thought I'd have more time with him, but with all fuss about packing and shit like that, I doubt we'll still be able to do what we planned to do before he leaves - you know, sex, sex, and uhm, more sex. Sigh.
Seriously, I am scared shitless and anxious. We are about to embark on a new phase in our marriage, and it seems that no amount of preparation can get me ready for something this big. I can't express how scared I am - the future is so uncertain, and I can only hope that the waiting time won't take long and that all goes well with the petition process. The last time Felix and I were apart it took a lot of effort to sustain. There's so much more at stake now, making this even more difficult. I have gotten so used to being with him, from doing groceries to having dinners to watching late night shows - I don't know how I'm going to do this existing thing with Felix living half a world away from me.
Uhh, I have to stop for now. There's a lump building up on my throat and it's getting hard to swallow. Hate this.
Wed January 17, 2007
In Threes...
...I have come to three conclusions why I do not get as much readers as I used to:
1. People have finally realized how mundane my life is and couldn't care less about the crap I put here.
2. I rarely update.
3. Insert whatever conclusion you may have.
But in the spirit of updating, here's a list of the things that happened to me the past two months (in no order of importance):
1. Celebrated my 1st year wedding anniversary. Wooot!
2. Resigned from my teaching job. Very liberating.
3. Grew two infections - one on my forehead days before Christmas and another in my eyelid during New Year's - added to the one that I had a couple of months back, completes the divine cystic trinity. I feel special.
Future happenings (again, in no order of importance):
1. New job. Don't ask what it will be, as I still have no idea what I'm going to do. LOL.
2. Felix's birthday. Gift suggestions, anyone?
3. Felix's departure for the US. Sigh.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Happy New Year to all!
